i’m having an affair…

I’m having an affair. There. O.K. I said it. I used to think monogamy was the only way. The best way. That way I could devote all my attention to him… or her. That way I could be completely present in our relationship. No conflicting schedules. No decisions. No choices. It was so easy. So effortless. And now… well now I’ve ruined it. Destroyed that unwavering and unconditional sense of security… completely undone all that we had. Complicated it. Messed it. And it feels so… amazingly and chaotically and blissfully liberating! So naughty but so good. So, so good! One night it’s Patrick White, another it’s Salinger – fuck! some days I’ll get me some Liz Gilbert action in the morning and then I’ll take Brett Easton Ellis to bed that night. Admittedly, there’s been a bit of juggling – a few calendar clashes and extravagant ploys for my attention – but generally it’s felt incredible. All that guilt that used to come with ‘accidentally’ beginning the first chapter of one book while still finishing another… all those sorry, I’m already reading somethings… all that empty yearning for something that I thought I could never have…  it’s all just vaporised into thin air. POOF! Like it never existed to begin with. Yes, of course reading more than one book at a time has come at a price of its own – I often forget that I have books on the go, almost always can’t decide which book to read and well, let’s just say that my coffee table is more bookshelf than table – but, it’s a price that I’m happy to pay. At the moment. I’m aware that this may just be a little ‘grass is greener’, 1/3 life reading crisis but that’s O.K. Yes? I guess only time will tell…

Serial cheater? Faithful monogamist? Swinger? Someone out there please tell me you’ve experienced, and come out the other side of, a similar bookish crisis…

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